My old friend anger came to visit me this week. At first it was just background noise but then the eclipse came along and turned the volume up, until it was all that I could hear. Anger throbs in my ear drums, beats in my veins, and shouts:
I want a big life
A bold life
A life with colour
A life that pushes the boundaries.
I want excitement
And if that’s not
The life you want
Then get the fuck
Off this train.
Have you ever felt like that?
This weekend, there were some fun things on. Last night one of my favourite bands, The Cat Empire, was playing at a town near me. Today is my monthly writer’s group meeting. In addition, over the whole weekend, starting last night, was the Dorrigo Bluegrass Festival. A friend of mine invited me to go with her – a girl’s camping and music getaway. I went home and looked at the website – and it looked like something my whole family would love. I say, let’s all go. The Bear is mildly interested and sees no reason not to go.
Except we haven’t got much camping gear.
I say: Okay, let’s buy a bigger tent – we’ve needed one for a while anyway.
He says: Well, that makes it a very expensive weekend if we have to buy all the stuff as well as the tickets – and we need something to sleep on as well.
This goes on, backwards and forwards – and the longer it goes on, the madder I get. I feel, rightly or wrongly, that not only do I have to come up with the fun thing, I then have to work out the logistics of it (which is super difficult and stressful for me), create enough enthusiasm not just for myself, but for everybody else – and then drag everyone behind me. So, I don’t.
The result? No Cat Empire, no writers group and no festival. I don’t know if I’m angrier at myself:
a) For complicating the whole thing when I could have just gone away with my friend;
b) For not putting the effort in, organising the whole shebang and dragging everyone else behind me like I normally do;
c) At the Bear for not participating, leaving it all to me and then making snide comments about how I don’t like camping or stepping out of my comfort zone – and that’s why we don’t do those things as a family! What makes me even angrier is there’s an element of truth in that: but I want to be braver and bolder, and I need some help, goddammit!
And then to top it off, the Bear and my son come down with a stomach bug, and I say to my daughter, who ended yesterday with a screaming, kicking tantrum, and began today in the same way :
You can’t just crack the shits when things don’t go your way! It’s not okay to do that.
And straightaway, in my head, an amused voice said, but isn’t that what you do?
And all of that can be summed up by this quote from Madonna:
Best (short) Read
You Are Your Own Damn Permission Slip – Justine Musk
This must read article begins with a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert:
For some reason, and this just boggles my imagination, there are still just huge swaths of women who never got the memo that their lives belong to them.
Justine describes the heroine’s journey, using the examples of the Persephone and Inanna stories:
These underground stories introduced me to the term “the heroine’s journey”, the neglected psychological complement to the well-known hero’s journey. If the hero’s journey is about going out into the world and slaying dragons, the heroine’s journey is about pulling inward, traveling down through the layers of yourself until you sound the depths of your soul.
She talks about the recurring nature of our spiritual journey:
Like the seasons, like creativity itself, personal growth cycles through stages. A journey doesn’t happen once in a life; it happens over and over again, for different reasons and varying lengths of time.
But you never descend into the same place twice; and you always rise a little higher than before.
And how in our society, maidens are desirable, mothers are useful – and the crone, with all of her wisdom and power is neither desirable nor useful… to read the rest of this awesome article click here.
Best Mercury Retrograde Shenanigans
I thought I had gotten through the Mercury retrograde period unscathed: In fact, I was quite enjoying it! I had begun an exciting project that had been percolating for a few months, the house was clean, I had given away bags of clothes, and I could see the bottom of my inbox. Being what is called a ‘mercury retrograde native’, meaning I was born within a mercury retrograde period, in Gemini no less, I usually find this thoughtful, slower time quite restful and a great way to catch up on life.
A friend and I run a bi-monthly pop up cafe at our local school as a fundraiser for the P&C. We set up on the hall verandah and serve espresso coffee, bacon and egg burgers, toasted sandwiches, quiche, apple and berry crumbles and whatever else we get around to baking. It’s fun, the community gathers around chatting, laughing and connecting with each other – and we even raise some money :). Last Sunday was cafe day once again. Set up was all going smoothly until we plugged in and promptly blew the fuse in the hall. Even though we flicked the switch in the fuse box, there was nothing. So we picked everything up – tables, appliances and food – and moved down to the undercover area where there was another power point. We plugged in and promptly blew that fuse as well. It was 20 minutes before opening time, too late to cancel and we had no power. We couldn’t get to the fuse box as it was locked, and we had no access to the classrooms as they are locked and alarmed.
I rang a member of staff who lives nearby and she came down to help. For some reason, we couldn’t plug the milk frothers in with the coffee machine, or the pie warmer in with the electric frypan, and the toaster hated everything. Finally, with extension leads snaking everywhere, and each appliance plugged into a separate power point, we were in business. Why today and not any of the other days? Who knows? Mercury retrograde shenanigans? Maybe :). Funny thing was though – we ended up having a great day!
The meditation group I go to started on the Ajna or third eye chakra this week. We were given practices to do over the next few weeks – mantra, mudra, meditation, pranayama – so I went one step further and created an asana sequence as well. Click here to check it out in a printable graphic form – you can even print it out if you want to (yes, I do think I am very clever :) ).
- Balasana – pose of the child – arms outstretched.
- Uttanasana – standing forward bend.
- Ardha Uttanasana – half standing forward bend – hands on ground or knees, back flat.
- Vrksasana – tree.
- Natarajasana – dancer.
- Matsyasana – fish.
- Eka Pada Rajakapotasana – one-legged king pigeon.
- Janu Sirsana – head to knee pose.
- Paschimottanasana – seated forward bend.
- Ardha Matsyendrasana – seated lord of the fishes.
- Salamba Sarvangasana – shoulder stand.
- Sirsasana – headstand.
- Balasana – pose of the child.
- Savasana – corpse pose.
- Nadi Shodhan – alternate nostril breathing – 10 rounds.