I have had the most interesting two weeks, or is it three? Oh, who knows, let’s make it a month :)
A couple of weeks ago, I go and visit a friend of mine. She suggests we play with some guidance cards – no kidding, she has about 15 different packs. You know the ones, Doreen Virtue, crystal divination, animal totems, that kind of thing. Sounds fun, so I do a layout with the crystal cards with a general question about work. The cards I pull tell me that i am on the right path, that money will be incoming, to have faith and to focus on relationships. Okay. Sounds good. When I arrive home, I check my emails and find another friend has forwarded me on a job that she thought I might like. I cast my eye over it – hmmm. He’s not paying much, and he seems to want an awful lot done in not very many hours. Nah, I’ll pass on that one, I say to my friend. She (wiser and more experienced than I) writes back and says:
I think it would be an excellent training ground (especially with some of the Social Media platforms that are less familiar) and you would only do the required hours…also would be great for the resume, but depends on which direction you wish to head…there is the added benefit of working from home and not paying the travel time/costs… My philosophy is – whatever you put your energy to means you can’t put it somewhere else so make your choices wisely…don’t think in limiting ways and keep your options open and don’t make choices out of desperation and above all believe in yourself!!!
I know straight away she is right, and I tell her so. So I apply for the job, and get an interview on skype the next day. He asks me to write a one page plan of how I would increase engagement on his facebook page, and I say I will. He hangs up and I sit there for a minute, just thinking. Then I go and do yoga. It is while I am doing yoga that I accidentally overhear a conversation. It went like this:
As if you can do this. Who do you think you are? You don’t know how to do any of this. There would be lots of other people more experienced/better qualified/ just better at everything than you. Just write back and say that you’re not interested, sorry…
Ahem? I’m here! I can hear you!
Good! I’m glad – I’ll say it again: don’t do this. you won’t be able to anyway, so you may as well face it.
Just then I hear a voice – a real one this time: “Hello! Sara, are you there?” And in comes yet another friend (I won’t lie to you – I am so lucky and blessed with my friends). “Oh, you’re doing yoga – I’m interrupting you!” No, no I say, sit down you aren’t interrupting. And then I tell her about my interview and what he wants, and how terrified I am. And I don’t know how to explain the conversation that followed, except to say that by the time she left, I knew exactly what I was going to write. That night I did some research, and the next day I write this kick-ass, bold-as-hell email telling him what he’s doing wrong and how I can help him to do it right…and pressed send. He writes back and tells me he loved what I wrote, that it was just what he needed to hear, and that I have got the job.
If I thought I was terrified before, that was nothing. Nothing, I tell you, to the massive influx of doubts, worry and panic, yes, sheer, utter panic :) So the Universe kicks in and sends in Angels from every quarter – another friend tells me that:
I used to worry and think that I couldn’t do things – and then I realised that the only difference between me and the people that were doing those things was that they backed themselves and I didn’t. In fact, I soon realised that I could do those things better than some of these people.
The Bear hugs me and says:
Just fucking do it. You’re awesome, I’ve been telling you that for years. Go get ‘em.
Yet another friend, a gentler soul than the Aries barbarian I have chosen as my partner looks at me sorrowfully, shakes his head and tells me:
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. What’s going on here? Of course you can do it!
The Goddess even artfully arranged some tea leaves in a cup to give me a message of hope, arranged my crystal runes in inspiring ways and freed up my time so that I could throw myself into my new job. Another friend told me:
You’ve been thrown in the deep end? Lucky you’re a good swimmer!
So, essentially, you’re getting paid to learn? Wow, cool.
All the while, the I keep overhearing snippets of the conversation that my ego is conducting for my benefit in my head. But I am not listening any more. What you think about me is not my concern I tell that voice. Shut up and mind your own business I say.
And when I get freaked out and overwhelmed, I hit the road and go for a walk, do yoga or meditate. And then when I have it all in perspective, I dive in again.
And you know what? I am a good swimmer.