I found this in my drawers yesterday when I was cleaning them out. I had written it two years ago, but it could have been written two days ago.
When the day finally came
When it was more painful
To stay than to go
I knew it I knew it not.
The pain sat with me,
Walked with me, slept with me.
And then I knew it.
Waves of tears squeezed me
My heart gripped and released.
Sorrow relieved and renewed
By the trickle of tears.
Why? He asked.
Because finally, our relationship is now
More painful to be in it than to be out of it.
Do you understand?
No. Life is pain. So what? He said.
Not for me. My life needs to be balanced –
When there is more pain than love,
It is time to go.
I love you I hate you he said
I know. Pain has tipped the balance.
This is your fault he said
Do you still love me? He asked.
Yes. But I cannot live with you anymore.
Either I am the person you describe –
In which case I don’t like who I am when
I am with you, and indeed I don’t know myself
When I am with you.
Or I am not that person you describe, you have me
All wrong, and I can’t live with your blindness a
minute more lest your blindness makes me blind
I will die he said
So will I.
This is a good thing.
I thank you
I love you