10 things I have learned from a separation…

To end the misery that has afflicted the human condition for thousands of years, you have to start with yourself and take responsibility for your inner state at any given moment. That means now.                                                                                     – Eckhart Tolle

  1. Sometimes, losing all hope in a person or situation can be the best thing that ever happened – especially if you are also losing all the expectations that go along with hope. In the space that is free from expectation, miracles can occur.
  2. Whatever we are most afraid of, odds are that we will have to face that fear head on at some stage. In my case, one of my greatest fears was that of being a single mother, and things had to get pretty bad before I was going to choose that option over a relationship. But do you know what? Being a single parent does NOT have to mean being isolated, unsupported and poor. I wasn’t those things before, so why would I suddenly become all of those things now? It was just a story in my mind confirmed by cherry picked examples and social stereotypes. So there, mighty fear – you are as dust! 🙂
  3. A person that you have known for a very long time can still surprise the hell out of you.
  4. When you act with courage and integrity in the space of divine timing, it frees up other people to also act with courage and integrity.
  5. I love having my own space. Yes, I live with two children so I still have to share – but the feeling of space and freedom, especially at night, is so nourishing to my soul I wonder how I could have gone so long without it.
  6. Sometimes, underneath the accumulated dross of life and other catastrophes accumulated over many years of living, working, bill paying, disappointed expectations and child rearing, can lie a kernel of love, completely untouched, just waiting for an injection of sunlight and water.
  7. Sometimes things disappear from a life, and we don’t notice that they have gone, except for a nagging feeling of something missing. For me, those things were joy, spontaneity and freedom. I welcome these things back into my life with open arms.
  8. Even the most intractable, insoluble situations can be radically altered in just one day.
  9. Do not limit yourself to what you think might reasonably happen given what you think is the potential of the people involved in a given situation. Our puny human minds have no concept of our true potential. So just focus on the highest good and let the Divine look after the how. Seriously.
  10. We have learned that nobody can make us feel a certain way without our permission, that we have to take responsibility for our own suffering and that if we just change our attitude about a problem, it will stop being a problem. This is all true, but I want to add a caveat: some situations are toxic, and no amount of any of the above will change it. You know?


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